I haven't posted in awhile due to the fact that most days I am in survival mode from about noon on. I literally am doing the bare minimum it takes for me to take care of my kids, my house, my husband, and any other previous obligations I might have signed up for before this new plight of mine began! I feel like I am a failure most days at doing much good - my kids seem to suffer, my house is less than tidy (although a HUGE thanks to all of you friends who have come over and remedied that this past week!), I am in bed before 8 o' clock most nights and pretty much incoherent after 4 pm, although with daylight savings that actually is now 3 pm. But hey, I am trying. I have actually been overwhelmed and so humbled by the amount of outpouring of love that my ward has shown. The RS president called me last week and said she had heard I was sick and asked if they could set up meals. It was going to be every other day and I figured maybe 2 or 3. But no, we have 7 lined up, and other friends have called and asked if they could bring them next week too. Never having been in a position like this before I have an entire new outlook on compassionate service and my testimony of it has grown so much. I would much rather be called on to give a meal, and it has been so humbling to be a receiver of so much service. When you don't feel like you can even get up off the couch sometimes any help at all means the world to me. And boy I can't wait til I get through this time and can once again be asked to help those others who might be going through this or something else. I have a new desire to be better at service, and I know how much it can lift someones day and also benefit those giving it. For this reason I am going to be better at being a giver, and will be better at seeking those who might be in need of something!!!
So why the title a pregnant woman's complaint? I really don't have much to complain about right? Well, for my husband and immediate family they have heard more than their fair share of complaints from me the past 5 weeks....from the terrible sickness and nausea, to the ER trips that ended in more pain than they were even worth, to the constant dry heaving multiple times of day that doesn't do anything and never lets me throw up (to which I actually wish I could so at least I wouldn't just be consuming 1000's of extra calories), to having to eat every 2 minutes to not feel as sick, to being so tired of enduring the past 5 weeks of pregnancy that seem unbearable and I am starting to wonder if anything will ever change, to being devastated at missing my biggest trip of the year and my personal favorite that caused me to miss out on some of the most special things I had planned, to anything else that I feel has not gone quite as I planned it and has caused a major change to all my fall plans. Ok, so I guess I have done enough complaining. And someone wisely told me at one point amidst this that I needed to count my blessings! If I were to start by writing them down and keeping a blessings journal that I would soon see my trials were small and I have a lot more to count as blessings than I do trials. I do realize this, and I have actually started doing a thankful journal and I do realize how truly blessed I am, and how wonderful my life is in so many ways. I realize that although my timing is not always the Lord's timing, and sometimes I don't understand the why's or reasons certain things happen or certain trials go to certain people, he does know best and looking back I know that everything in my life has happened when it is supposed to, even if I don't think so, and even if I wish that I did get a lot less sick in this pregnancy.
This thought is where my complaint comes in I guess. And no, it isn't that I am complaining about being as sick as I am, although I know I have exhausted the complaining on this enough already. My complaint is for how some people respond to those who are enduring or experience the horrible sickness that seems to be one of my trials right now. I have thought a lot about this subject, and then upon reading the NieNie diaries and seeing something that was written in response to one of her posts have to just second what she said and add my own thoughts along with it. It was a post that commented to her that they were really sick of hearing her complain about her sickness with her pregnancy and how there are many women out there who would give anything to trade places with her and be able to have a baby and would gladly take on being sick, so so sick, and how her posting her complaints of how much pain she is in and how it is hard to be pregnant and sick were pretty much invalid. Her response? She asked them if they had ever been burned on 85% of their body and then got pregnant, and could relate to the physical pain alone that it does to the body, as burned skin and stretching from pregnancy is extremely painful!!! (I would definitely not debate this, sounds excruciating right?!) Then she told this reader it was her blog, and if they didn't like what they were reading then they should just stop! She can post her feelings and thoughts and is not going to change what she writes....on a side note, I have read many a post and feel she hardly ever complains and for how much she has endured she is such a grateful and inspiring person, and has every right to complain she doesn't feel well! To which comes my point being a pregnant lady and complaining about feeling sick!
Every woman who has gone through pregnancy has experienced some sort of sickness or uncomfort - whether you are lucky enough to be one who doesn't have any morning sickness at all and just is extra tired or uncomfortable, to the ones who have the sickness so bad they are in the hospital getting fluids weekly and basically hospitalized their whole pregnancy! There is a wide spectrum of sickness and the only one who really knows how bad it is for the individual is the one going through it, in comparison to their other pregnancies or illnesses. Every individual has a different pain threshold, and everyone handles things differently, and that is ok. And if some one who is pregnant wants to write about how crummy they felt or a trial they are having in relation to their pregnancy or other pain they are having then they should be able to, without being ridiculed or told to buck up and deal, or told that others would gladly exchange places with them and they need to be more grateful and not complain.
When those friends write about how hard of a trial it is to want kids and not be able to have them and how they would do anything for them and the desire is so great and they would be such great parents and have that desire, no one says anything but kind comments and expressions of love and extends their arms out to them with compassion and empathy. And that is wonderful, because that is a great desire and it is something that is so hard for some and we don't understand why and don't know the answers why some can have them so easy, and others have that trial to not get children when they want. And it is a good thing when someone shares those thoughts that no one responds rudely or tells them to count their blessings or says anything else that would be mean or hurt them. Because that wouldn't be right. And it wouldn't be charitable or loving or really do anything for the relationship with that person. It would hurt the person going through the trial and make them feel not very good!
So here is my point. It IS NOT nice for those to treat someone who IS pregnant rude by saying hurtful comments, or telling them they aren't grateful, or telling them they should just buck up, or they aren't really that miserable, or that they just don't handle it as easy as others, etc etc. These comments are mean, they hurt, and as a pregnant person who has received all and more of these comments by different people in the past few weeks at different times I can say they do nothing to help. Just because a pregnant person complains about her sickness or what she is going through doesn't mean she doesn't want the baby or will love the baby any less or isn't grateful to be pregnant. In fact, I would say in most cases none of these are true. And when she is feeling down and talks about her feelings to others the last thing she needs is the "buck up camper and just deal with it" speech! No, unless you have gone through what she is going through and can step into her shoes and really feel how she feels, you have no idea and your rude comments should be kept to yourself. If you feel a certain way fine, but don't tell her or make comments like the nienie commentor or anything else. Really, all a pregnant person wants from those she is telling her feelings to is for the other person to say I am sorry you are so sick, I am sorry you are going through that, I am sure it is no fun and is there anything I can do to help?! Really, she is just looking for someone to sympathize with in a moment of pain or frustration, and probably doesn't want a lecture or remedy or anything else back. Or at least that is how I feel and what I would like as one who is currently experiencing so much sickness and frustration! I just want someone to say you can do it and it won't last that much longer!
I can say that after being through different levels of sick with each of my pregnancies until you are one who is so sick that you find yourself wishing you would never wake up because you know your day is just going to be a repeat of the previous and nothing helps, you just don't fully understand how bad it really is. I have so much more sympathy for those who have this and endure it the whole 9 months. I have quite a few friends who that is the case for and my respect and awe of them has gone up amazing! I am only hoping right now that at least what I am experiencing and how awful I feel will actually end with the first trimester, because I don't think I could do it for much longer. So Cecia, Angie, Caiti, Angie N., Megan, and all you other friends who are so amazing to endure it longer so well, hats off to you and thank you SO SO MUCH for being so sweet and encouraging to me.
