Today I am awake very early. Actually have been up through the night on and off since 2 am when my little one woke up coughing and pretty much hasn't gotten a very good sleep either. We moved into a spare room in our place and I tried to make him comfortable. After doing so he did fall asleep, only to wake me up an hour later telling me his bed was wet (he had peed his pants), his side hurt, and his bum hurt from when he fell yesterday. We got up, changed his clothes and went back to my bed where I put him in (chip was in room with griff in cash's bed at this point since he also is a little sick and had woken up) and so Cash and I tried to settle down again for another try at sleep. However, I think he has coughed every 15 seconds since 4 am and so finally at 5:30 I turned on a show, propped him up on some pillows and tried to get some rest myself. However, sleep hasn't come. I am sitting here, listening to the rain come down in buckets, and my mind and heart are so full with different things I just couldn't get any more rest.
First, I thought of our trip back yesterday from AZ. We went to visit my in-laws last Saturday because Chip was leaving to China for the week and I didn't want to be in this city the whole week alone......however, after his trip got cancelled last minute as he was boarding the plane he came with us for the drive and then flew home Sunday night. It was a great week filled with TONS of playdates for my little kiddos with their cousins and aunts and uncles, and nice visits for me with familiar faces....being with family is always nice. Since Thursday afternoon around 2 pm Cash learned we were leaving to go home on Friday and has had about 8 major meltdowns, sobbing, throwing fits, and even waking up in the night crying he didn't want to come back to California. He wants to live in AZ at Grandma Betty's and daddy can just "fly there on the weekends"! Getting him in the car yesterday morning was difficult and I wanted to cry myself in a way because it is hard going from a place that is familiar, with family and friends and so much to do, to a place that really doesn't feel like home, where we have no friends, and it seems like we are just passing the time. It was hard for me too to leave and say let's go home, or rather feel happy about going home to a place that is so foreign. And yet the drive also had me thinking. I was at first thinking how tired I was, how the previous night I had been up every hour with my two little ones, both coughing and needing things all night long, how the drive was going to be long, how I am still feeling nauseous and also in pain in a lot of different parts of my body that I believe are related to this pregnancy and how I can't imagine how the next 19 weeks will be any better? I was missing my friends in Cville, the structure and daily things we have back there we are all missing and how it would be nice to be back, although it is further from all our family. However, none of these complaints even seemed at all relevant when I started thinking of my dear friend.
My friend Cheryl, one of my best friends from Cville, found out this past week her son Lincoln, who is only 2.5 years old, has leukemia. Reading the email from her I was instantly in tears, as my heart aches she and Linc have to go through this. I have pretty much been consumed with thoughts and worries and prayers for her since I read the email on Wednesday and at any point during my day when I think my life might be hard I think to myself that my little trials or annoyances or pitiful complaints are nothing next to the trial she is going through right now. How can I complain about feeling uncomfortable when this cute little boy will be experiencing pain, chemo, IVs, Chest tubes, and a lot of other pokes and prodding over the next few years. In talking to her I am inspired by her faith, her positiveness, her compassion, and her outlook on the blessings that have come with it. It is hard to see those sometimes when you are in the midst of something like this. I have no real idea of what she is going through or experiencing, and yet I wish I could take it away, even for a day or just a part of it. As a mom I do understand how hard it is to watch your child suffer, and even in only waking up in the night to watching my son's little body shake as he coughs and cries that his nose is plugged, I think that is hard so for her watching all the machines, and medicines be put into him and what he will endure must be almost unbearable. It seems so unfair and at times I find myself asking why she has to go through this - or why little Lincoln who is a sweet little innocent 2 year old has to endure this -- it just doesn't seem fair.
It has made me question what I think are my own trials and re-evaluate things that are important to me. We really are being looked out for by our Heavenly Father, and when things get tough or trials come he does still have a plan for us. I seem to figure out that a little later then I should sometimes, but I am trying to be more patient, and more faithful in my own and just have felt so much love and overwhelming compassion for my friend the past few days I had to write it down this morning. I hope little Lincoln recovers quickly, and that he responds well, and I pray his little body will be pain-free soon. I love Cheryl and the great friend and inspiration she is to me. I wish I could be there in Pittsburgh this week to give her a hug and I am grateful her family and friends are so supportive there.
Anyhow, random thoughts on an early Saturday - and hey - I LOVE the rain so since it is pouring it must be a good day! :)
1 comment:
great article. Love you.
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