My Dearest Ivy Jane:

I can't help but reflect back to last Monday's events and how my life changed forever at 10:44 p.m.  It almost seems surreal to me!  From the time I was a little girl I dreamed of the day I would have my own daughter.  I always thought I would be a mom of boys too, but when I played house or dress up or anything else I always had a baby girl, and I dreamed of dressing her up like my dollies, doing her hair, making things for her, and just having the most beautiful daughter ever, one that I would love so much and who would love me back and be my bestest friend!  When I went in to have my ultrasound done to find out if you were a little girl or not I was so nervous I was shaking.  In my heart I knew it was a girl, but I told myself it might just be that I was just hoping and wishing so bad, or that all my intuitions were wrong.  I had a huge knot in my stomach and throat as she looked for what you were......and then when she told me I couldn't contain the emotion and tears flowed down my cheeks as I thought of when I would get to meet you and hold you in my arms, my own precious little angel.  I was beyond excited.  You didn't make this pregnancy easy for me.   Aside from the nausea and sicknesses I had while pregnant, you were constantly kicking me in the ribs, moving at ALL hours of the day, doing flips when I layed down, and pretty much making me uncomfortable at all times.  However, I told myself I liked it that you were going to be one active and busy little girl!  Then last Monday it finally happened.  I finally got to meet you.  You came in your own time, when you wanted to, and very quickly.  It was surreal to both your daddy and me how fast you were in our arms after getting to the hospital.  And yet you were all of a sudden there.  In my arms.  A perfect bundle from heaven.

Once again I had this overwhelming emotion as I tried to hold my tears back with so many others in the room.  But I was overcome with gratitude and love from our Heavenly Father who let me have the privilege to have you in our family.  Who gave me your little spirit to hug and to cherish and to be with me forever.  I felt so much love, so much relief too that you really were a girl (cuz I admit I was still worried that somehow there was a mistake altho I had many an ultrasound that confirmed it).  I looked at your tiny little toes, long and skinny and straight just like the Browns, your cute little button nose, your tiny fingers that grabbed ahold of mine and squeezed them tight as if to tell me good job.  I was exhausted, so tired, and yet so happy you were finally in my arms and not my belly.  You have beautiful dark hair, more than your brothers, and were in the middle of their stats.  You didn't look like either of them really and now after a week still have your very own look.  You are beautiful, and precious, and you are mine!  I love you so much!

Bringing you home has already proved to be an adventure, and sometimes I long for the quiet of the hospital room where it was just you and me and I could just hold you and stare at you and snuggle you, and no one would interrupt us.  However, your brothers love you.  Cash is SO sweet to you and is a great helper.  Griffin loves you too, although his love is a little more tough.  However, when you cry he is the first to jump up and run yelling "Ivy, Ivy, Ivy...."  He tries to hug you ALL the time and can't keep himself away from wherever you are in the room.  Hopefully when you grow up he will be like that still and be a great protector older brother.  Your daddy loves you so much too.  It was very sweet to see him take you in his arms and watch him hold you now.  He usually takes care of your brothers so I can feed and rest holding you, but when he gets a free moment he always wants you in his arms and seeing you look at him, and how much love he has for you is really special.  You already have him wrapped around your finger.

I love the way you are so sweet and peaceful, the way you bring such a great spirit into our house.  You make it feel more like heaven, and I feel so much love for you and your brothers and it has helped me see ways I can be a better mother already.  I love how you look up at me, with your jet dark eyes and its almost as if you are trying to talk through your little expressions.  You smile and make the cutest faces every when you are asleep, you were perfect for your photo shoot, you don't love binkies but I am going to convince you that you actually do sometime soon.  You figured out how to suck your thumb yesterday and soothed yourself for about 5 extra minutes before you wanted to eat.  You are the best little eater so far of the 3 kids, and you already have had a night where you only woke up once.  You are so sweet and bring about so many emotions in me as I look at you.  I wonder what you are thinking, what your little personality is like, who you will look like, and think about how I wish I could just protect you and shield you from everything this crazy world has in it.  I want you to stay innocent and perfect forever.  I wish I could capture time right now and just be able to really hold on to the moments I get with you each day.  I am just so grateful once again to be your mommy and as of a week later feel even more blessed every time I hold you in my arms.  I love you my little Ivy Jane!!!

                                        

                                                                      Love, 

                                                                           Your Mommy